all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
