oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
