OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
