I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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