there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
