How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
