Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
