Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
