so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
