ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
