Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
