all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
