Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
