So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
