I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
