let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
