Are we in a gay sports bar?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
