I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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