This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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