he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Alive.
So much puke
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
