after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
