So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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