He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
