I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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