he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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