I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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