and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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