I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
