i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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