if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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