He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
