I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
