So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dick has a subreddit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
