I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
