We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
