My nipple is on Facebook.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
