is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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