One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Shame - the story of my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
