I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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