I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
