well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
