The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
