toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
