dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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