you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
