The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
