Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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