I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
