You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
