We're facebook friends in real life
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am naked and annoyed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
