i think my mom watched the whole time
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
