I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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